What Could Have Been
by CombineGLaDOS
Summary: Commander Shepard is married to Kaidan and they have an adopted daughter, but when someone Shepard has long since buried wants to talk, her family life may be thrown out of balance. FemshepxKaidan, past (maybe future) femshepxLiara. Contains some strong language and sexual references and ME trilogy spoilers. If you read, please leave a review.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Writer's block sucks hence why family reunion is on hold, but I came up with this when I was remembering the time I accidently romanced Kaidan. I do not like Kaidan, almost as much as I do not like Jacob ("You could fart and get a better character than Jacob," –CombineGLaDOS, 2015).**

**Set post ME3, so obvious spoilers.**

**And away we go!**

_"__I can't bury what I feel for you anymore, and I don't want to," As the words left Shepard's mouth, she forced the part of her brain screaming _'You're making a huge mistake' _to be silent, which in turn made her mind become quiet._

_"__And that, makes me so happy," the genuine joy in Kaidan's voice as he took the Commander's hand and brought it to his face made the mental silence break, the realisation of error almost breaking the Commander's resolve._

_A forced smile made its way on to Shepard's face as Kaidan kissed her hand, but the love in his eyes made it hard for her to keep hating herself for what she was doing. Only one person had ever looked at her like that before and after a recent conversation, Shepard was sure that they no longer wanted to be with her._

_As much as her thoughts kept relentlessly saying words synonymous to 'error', she was sure that was to do with her recent heartbreak and that, in reality, this was the start of something that she had never truly experienced and had always wanted._

**-23 years later-**

Shepard opened the front door to her apartment, able to hear the soft drone of the vid screen on the other side of the fire, which was soon covered by faint footsteps.

A raven-haired girl with dark brown eyes walked around the fireplace column in the centre of the apartment, her face a picture of happiness until she saw who it was who had interrupted her daily dose of 'Earthborn Love', a rather monotonous soap opera that had swept the galaxy recently.

"Oh, it's you," The girl said before spinning around to go back to the sofa, forcing her hands into an oversized N7 hoodie.

"Good afternoon, Raelynn," Shepard rolled her eyes before she sighed and made her way towards the kitchen, desperate for a coffee. _Or enough ryncol to kill Wrex, _she thought.

Having suffered severe nerve damage in her right wrist and left ankle due to destroying the Reapers 23 years earlier, Shepard had been forced to retire from the Alliance and as a result had her spectre status revoked. As much as she had protested to it, she now spent a lot of her time in the council chamber discussing new laws and eligible spectre candidates with the council, made up of Councilor Irissa, Narlana, Quentius and Lawson, as the original council had been killed in the reaper war.

The new council was far less tolerable than the old council, except for Councilor Lawson, as if it wasn't for Miranda, Shepard would have still been dead from when she was killed in action 25 years ago.

"Have you had a good day?" Shepard asked while waiting for a coffee to be ready, once again rolling her eyes when the only response she got from her daughter was an annoyed grunt, followed by her talking about watching her show.

While Shepard was regarded as a hero by most of the galaxy, her 15 year old adopted child saw her as nothing more than an annoyance, who just so happened to have extremely comfortable hoodie's that she could steal from time to time.

Just as the former Commander went to finish up making her coffee, the door to the apartment opened again and in walked her husband, Kaidan Alenko.

"Hey, Dad!" Raelynn called, running over to him and hugging him.

_Daddy's girl, _Shepard thought with a smile.

She and Raelynn had never got on well, and her husband kept telling her it was because she was taking the fact that she wasn't her birth mother hard. That was not true at all, as Raelynn never had an issue with Kaidan after finding out he wasn't her biological father, and her issues with Shepard began from the moment she was old enough to talk.

"Hey sweetheart," Kaidan returned the hug and looked over at his wife in the kitchen, "and hello, Hayley."

"Hey, Kaidan," She smiled at him, noticing how he still looked at her as though she was the most gorgeous, talented human alive. He had never not looked at her like that, not even when they argued, because his admiration for her raw power often overrided any anger her felt towards her.

Eventually Raelynn let go and went back to watching what Shepard felt was the most boring show in the galaxy, and Kaidan went to go embrace his wife from behind.

"Now how is it fair that I'm going grey and you still look 30?" He whispered before nipping her earlobe, causing her to let out a chuckle and earning a disgusted look from the teenager who lay sprawled out on the sofa.

"Don't blame me, blame your boss," She smirked, knowing her youthful appearance despite being 55 had been due to the cybernetic implants Miranda had given her while she was still dead as dead can be. The implants also extended her life to 2.5 times that of a normal human, meaning that she'll likely live to 375, longer than any of her friends or family will, aside from Wrex and Grunt.

"No thanks, she terrifies me," Kaidan backed away and held his hands up, laughing as he saw the amused expression on Hayley's face as she turned around to face him. It was a well-known fact that Miranda was one of the most argumentative and stubborn councillors, and her prowess in the battlefield meant that whatever she said or did, normally went. It was almost a God-send that she wasn't power crazy like her old employer, the Illusive Man, had been, and that most of her requests were beneficial to the galaxy.

The remainder of the day went by as normal as anything. Kaidan cooked food that had the potential to poison an elcor but actually ended up tasting pretty damn good, Raelynn and Hayley argued over something ridiculous and trivial before the teenager stormed off to her room, and Kaidan went bed several hours before Shepard even thought about it.

The former spectre was happily watching Fleets and Flotilla for the millionth time since her quarian friend, Tali'Zorah, had shown it to her all those years ago, when her omni-tool beeped with a message.

Expecting it to be from a councillor, or an official for any of the other races not in the council, she picked it up straight away and opened the message, ready to find yet another request for a meeting that she certainly didn't want to go to, but Hayley's expectation was far from the reality.

Seeing the name of the sender, her heart wanted to burst from joy and sink from despair at the same time. She wanted to jump around the room ecstatically but also straight through the window and fall several meters into the lower wards. Every possible emotion was conflicted with another. It was a name she so dearly loved, yet one she hated more than the Reapers.

Deciding she didn't know what to do, she put the omni-tool down and paced for a few seconds, before going back to read the message.

_From: [redacted]_

_To: HShepard_

_Hello Hayley. I have not spoken to you in a while and would like to arrange to meet up at your earliest convenience._

_Regards,_

_Liara T'Soni_


	2. Chapter 2

_"__I wish we could be like this. Just as friends" Liara smiled, looking over the presidium, clearly admiring the beauty that this place was, given large scale damage done to it when Sovereign had attacked 3 years prior._

_"__Friends?" Shepard sounded taken aback before she continued, "Liara, how in the galaxy, after all we've been through, are you still only categorising us as friends?" _

_"__Well I-"_

_"__No. You have asked time and time again if I want us to be together and I always said yes!" Shepard was attempting to keep her voice low as not to draw too much attention, but her anger was getting the better of her, "and now you still think we are _just_ friends!"_

_Shepard noticed the deep purple blush creeping on Liara's face. Normally that blush was the by-product of something far more adult, as was the shaky breathing that was increasing in rate._

_"__Please, just-"_

_"_Shut up!" _It was a full shout this time, and any attempt at keeping this solely between the two of them had long since dissipated. Then again, an argument of this magnitude should always happen behind closed doors if you don't want anyone to hear. Shepard began laughing, although she was still bubbling with anger, "You know, I actually thought you loved me…and I wasted my time loving you."_

_The asari's eyes were filling with tears now, hurt branding her face like krogan does to his prized varren. She had started saying no repeatedly from the moment she was told to shut up, but her upset was making it hard to form even that simple word. _

_Shepard felt the edges of a meld brushing against her mind, but she threw up her mental barriers to stop the much older woman gaining access. The tears were beginning to build in her eyes now, and she knew that her face must have matched the colour of her crimson red hair right now. She took a deep breath._

_"__If you don't care about me…I'll find someone who does," her voice was calm and collected, and the colour of her face went back to its normal, pale complexion as a single tear dripped down her cheek, only for her to wipe it away, before she turned and left._

* * *

"Move," Shepard awoke to Raelynn nudging her side, holding a bowl of cereal.

The crimson haired woman gave a sleepy grunt before scooting her way up the sofa and running her hand through her hair. She couldn't remember falling asleep last night, the only memories she had being of pacing and sitting restlessly after she read her former friends message.

_Oh god, _Shepard thought, _I never replied to her._

Suddenly awake, she reached behind her to find her omni-tool that was currently pressing into her back. Opening the last message received, she saw the message that was sent still waiting eagerly to be replied to, but copious amounts of panic and several hours sleep had not aided her search for a decent reply.

She wanted to meet up with Liara and tell her everything that has happened since the last time she saw her and find out about how her life had been going, but the reality was part of her still held a deep anger towards the prothean researcher and detested the idea of ever having to see her face again.

_Dear Doctor T'soni_

_I have thought about-_

Shepard deleted the text and began again,

_To Liara,_

_I'm sorry for-_

The part of her that still resented the asari forced her to abandon that approach also, and before long Hayley gave up on the idea of sending a message, either agreeing to the meet up or otherwise.

Raelynn had silently slipped out to school at some point, surprising Hayley with the fact that she had clearly been at attempting to reply for over an hour. Kaidan had already left for work, although his spectre business was certainly taking him away from the Citadel for a few weeks now.

All alone, Shepard was stuck with no one to distract her from her current predicament, and no one to talk to for advice…unless she called someone from the Normandy crew to come over and discuss the ordeal.

_That's a great idea!_

Shepard began scrolling through her contacts, searching for someone who she could access quickly. That instantly removed anyone still serving on the Normandy from the list, as they were away with Kaidan, and Wrex, Grunt and Samara were all too far away to realistically come over and have a quick discussion (also a conversation with a krogan over something like this was not likely to happen).

Garrus and Tali were both presently on the Citadel, the latter dealing with Quarian relations and the former assisting to help her cause, but that was a far bigger thing to deal with than anything else because even after many hundreds of years, the council were still less than happy over the creation of the geth.

Eventually, the list was whittled down to one of two people: Jack and Miranda, and seeing as the human councillor would be incredibly busy (and she had stricken quite the friendship with Liara, leading to potential bias), Shepard called the ex-convict to come over and help her with the issue.

"Girl scout," was Jack's greeting when she came by Shepard's apartment a couple hours later, earning a headshake and smile from her friend who was happy to see her more often than not.

"Good to see you too, Jack," The woman was already searching through the fridge for something to drink, mumbling something about Shepard being a 'prissy bitch' when her search for alcohol came up empty.

"So, what the fuck do you want?" Jack walked over to the counter and leaned over it, her obscene language nothing but a trademark of her otherwise…interesting character.

"Liara messaged me last night," Shepard leaned against the wall that separated the main living area into two, allowing for a nice peaceful area with a fireplace and piano, and a more lively area for a vid screen and bar.

"No shit," Jack raised her eyebrows and looked genuinely shocked by the news, "'fuck did she want?"

"To meet up." At some point, Shepard and Jack had grown rather close to each other, and both women considered the other her friend. Whether it was a deeply buried trait that the kids at Grissom Academy had flushed out of her, or a recently developed consideration to the feelings of all her friends and rational reactions to said feelings, the ex-convict had come very far in the empathy field since she was first fetched out of cryo.

"What did you say to her?"

"I haven't said anything. I wanted to talk to you about that."

Jack shifted uneasily. No one ever put her under the pressure of relationship/friendship advice before. When Oriana came to her asking about whether she and Danner should go to the next step because the young woman did not wish to speak to her sister over something of that nature, she ended up palming her off to Miranda anyway.

"Have you spoke to the fanboy about this?" fanboy- Jack's favourite pet name for Kaidan.

"No, he's away," Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, closing her eyes to pretend that the self-massage was actually relieving the tension she felt there, even though she knew it never had worked and likely never will, "besides, mentioning this to him might piss him off."

"Well shit, Shepard," Jack threw her arms up in exasperation, "I don't fucking know then," the tattooed woman sighed, "do you want to talk to her?"

"No…okay yes but…" The answer to the question was not as straight forward as the former spectre had hoped. She had made a thousand tough decisions in her time, the options often being as conflicting as possible, like when she chose to allow Legion to upload the code without any guarantee that she would be able to stop the quarians firing, essentially risking the death of one species for the salvation of another.

If she could have chosen to risk her friends race being wiped out for the sake of saving another, why couldn't she decide whether to speak with Liara or not?

"Look, I can give you pansy shit advice all day long on this, but the shitty reality is you are the one who has to decide whether you want to speak to her," Jack walked around the counter and grabbed Shepard's shoulders, "so, do you want to speak with her or no?"

The question hung in the air for an immeasurable amount of time and Jack, eventually growing frustrated with the once great Commander Shepard's inability to answer, decided to leave the woman to her thoughts.

Hayley Shepard thought over the question and her options and eventually came to the conclusion that, for such a simple ask, there was no simple answer.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I. Like. Flashbacks. **

**Also I see that y'all hate Shepard now, which I was expecting although not to this degree, so I'll see what I can do about that…**

* * *

_Kaidan pulled away from the kiss, his arms still around Shepard._

_"__I can't lose you again," the second human spectre looked into the dark brown eyes of the first, his voice thick with sorrow and worry. He took a step back and looked at the ground, "I should go find my squad."_

_Shepard walked by him and muttered "yeah," trying to fight back the sudden fear that had gripped her at the realisation that she could very well be dead within the next two hours. The death itself was not the cause of fear, but the fact that, up until she had been revived by Cerberus, her death would have meant nothing. Prior to then, the end of her life would mean nothing more than another run of the mill fatality; another dead soldier to be buried and forgotten about by everyone other than those she was close to, but now her death would mark the end of a galactic hero, someone who people who had never met would mourn over._

_Following a brief conversation with Garrus and using a turret to keep the abominations the reapers had created away from one of the few remaining alliance strongholds, Shepard walked in the medbay to see Liara looking at her omni-tool with interest._

_A month and a half ago, Shepard would have hugged her from behind and asked her was what fascinating her this time, before the asari clicked her tongue and sighed in feigned annoyance only to turn around, give a playful smirk and kiss her._

_But this was not a month and a half ago. This was now, and things had changed._

_"__Ready?" Shepard asked in Liara's direction, maintaining a distance of a metre or so between them, an obvious indicator for the now non-existent relationship._

_"__Yes, Commander," the flat tone of Liara's voice nearly broke Shepard there and then. She had planned to take her and Tali with her for the final assault, as she had known she could always depend on them both from the days where they were chasing Saren around the galaxy. _

_Those days were long gone now._

_"__I can always take EDI if you'd rather stay here," Shepard told herself that she was simply offering her…friend? If she could still be called that, a way out. The final leg of this mission was going to be tough; one slip up and every race present in the galaxy would be nothing but charred remains in a few years' time. Conversely, everything could go as hoped and the reapers will be no more, but if Liara wanted to back out now, she could._

_"__There are a few things I could tend to here," Liara didn't do so much as turn while she spoke, "so I suppose it would be best if you took EDI."_

_Shepard's heart dropped like a brick. It was then she accepted the reality that her statement was a test to see if her and the shadow broker were still close enough to go out and fight together, rather than an opt out. _

_Knowing that death could be only a few hours away, and that this may be the very last time she would ever be able to speak to Liara, Shepard knew she had to try and make amends._

_"__Liara…I know I reacted badly and if I could go back to that moment and prevent my jumping to conclusions, I would and-"_

_"__Don't you need to speak to Anderson?" There was an unmistakable edge of irritation in Liara's voice, and when she turned around to face the Commander –the only time she had done throughout this whole conversation- the crease in her brow conveyed the annoyance that her voice could not._

_A long moment of silence passed, Shepard waiting for Liara to forgive her, even though it was a long shot. The longer it dragged, the more angered Liara looked._

_"__Look, just because you have the ability to waste someone's time, does not mean you can waste anymore of mine," Liara's voice was seething, and she was keeping it purposely low as not to attract the attention of the Alliance soldier across the room, "I have things I should be doing, as do you."_

_"__As you were, T'Soni," Shepard turned and walked through the doorway without another word, finally accepting that she had screwed up entirely and who was once her beloved girlfriend was now no more than an acquaintance. _

* * *

23 years of civilian life, and Shepard was still unable to find the entertainment value of channel surfing. She knew that at some point she should come across something interesting, but the many shows that catered to specific age groups and specific species were nothing but complete borefests to her. There was a good game of biotiball on about an hour ago, but it was in the last 30 seconds and there was no way the losing team was reigning in a victory with the other team being 215 points ahead of them.

She tried doing some exercise for a while, but her shoulder joints eventually screamed from all the pull-ups she was doing and she made herself stop, even though she wanted to continue going.

Hayley was pondering whether or not to try her hand at the piano when she heard the faint hiss of the door opening and closing, followed by the thud that was Raelynn throwing her bag on the floor.

"Put it in your room," Shepard's patience was through the floor thanks to the extreme amount of boredom she had faced since Jack left earlier, and instead of asking politely, she ordered her daughter to do as she was asked in her stern commander voice.

"You're not the boss of me!" The 15 year old yelled, before immediately stomping to her room, leaving her bag where she had thrown it earlier.

Shepard tried to remember if she was that bad when she was her age, but being in a gang full of violence, her daughter's defiant behaviour paled in comparison. Where Raelynn was throwing stuff around and being generally snappy towards Hayley, it was nothing compared to the things she did to other people when she was 15, which often included stealing and fighting. Half the time, she found it an absolute miracle that she had never been arrested for anything she did.

Deciding to go speak with her daughter anyway, she walked through to the teenager's room.

"Fuck off," Raelynn was on the pull-up bar that Shepard had been using earlier that day, going so quick, the memories of the burning sensation from beating Vega's record were so vivid, Shepard was sure she could feel pain proper.

"That's not exactly the best way to address your mother," she sighed, leaning against the doorway. She knew asking her to stop swearing would likely result in yet more swearing, so she decided to let it slide.

"You're not my mom though," Raelynn huffed as she brought her chin up above the bar for what must have been the 15th time since Hayley had walked in, her face flushing slightly and her arms already beginning to shake with the strain.

Raelynn Shepard-Alenko was incredibly fit for her age, and when it came to gym at school, the kids always opted instantly for the girl to be in their team. Not only was she able take someone out by hitting them square in the face, she was also top of an asari biotic class due to her excelling in the human one she had originally been put in.

"That was uncalled for!" Shepard's voice was on the edge of yelling, but she caught herself and started breathing while counting to 10 to calm herself, in reality counting north of 50 before she calmed down.

"You won't do anything about it,"

"Need I remind you that I'm the only reason you were able to be born." Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting off another bout of anger that was instead manifesting as a headache, "I may not be your birth mother, but-"

"Look, unless you actually have something massively important to talk to me about, can you go away?" The teenagers' voice was becoming more strained, and her face was fully crimson by this point. Clearly knowing she had reached her breaking point, she dropped from the pull-up bar and strolled over to her bed, picking up an old earth book, 'Insurgent', from the nightstand.

"Well, it's clear you don't want to talk…so I should go," Shepard turned and left the room, feeling her headache becoming worse by the second.

Looking at the time, she realised that Kaidan may well be on the Normandy as it was now synced with Galactic Standard Time as opposed to Earth Standard Time to account for the crew members from multiple species. Now would be the perfect opportunity to talk to him.

"Evening, Hayley," the tone of Kaidan's voice suggested her was smiling, but there was certainly a heavy tiredness in it, "What's up?"

"Hi…not much, Raelynn just being herself again," Kaidan chuckled and Hayley hesitated, deciding whether or not to tell him about the message, "Liara asked to meet up."

Kaidan's laughter stopped abruptly. One of the first things he had told Shepard when they started dating was that he was incredibly jealous of Liara for being with her, but he had learned to conceal the feeling well enough to never let on to anyone.

"Are you going?"

"That's the problem," Shepard sighed, "I don't know."

Kaidan remained silent, aside from a few huffed breaths suggesting that he was thinking over what he had just been told. Shepard was exceptional at reading people and their emotions, and she knew by the breathing that Kaidan was frustrated to say the least.

"Don't," He said after the silence grew unbearable, "She just wants something from you. She is the shadow broker, after all."

_That's not true_, Hayley managed to keep the thought entirely in her mind instead of telling Kaidan. While the asari was the most informed information broker in this galaxy and likely the universe, she had never used Shepard. At least not in the business sense of the word, anyway.

"Doubtful, I know what she's like Ka-"

"I beg to differ. She destroyed you like a piece of wet tissue paper without a second thought and need I remind you that 23 years ago she-"

"Yes okay, Kaidan. I get the point. I won't talk to her."

"Good. Now is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Hayley thought long and hard about anything else, but in the end she came up with nothing and her and Kaidan said goodbye to each other.

* * *

After ordering some food (Shepard had lived on MRE rations and chef's surprise for such a long time, she'd never had to cook herself), and having yet another wonderful argument with Raelynn about how Shepard had not done anything great for the galaxy besides save it a couple times, Shepard was left to her own devices again.

For a married mother, Shepard had spent a lot of time on her own. Hell, she had more company when she was commandeering a warship than she had done in the past 23 years.

Once again the joys of late night vids was non-existent, as each and every channel brought another boring show that few people watched or had already faded into its hour of depravity and had multiple female members of varying species lying in suggestive positions with a number scrolling at the bottom of the screen.

Raelynn was currently asleep, so even the gym was off-limits to Hayley. There was always the hot tub, but even that lost its fun appeal after a few minutes of being in the water with no one else there to enjoy it. There was simply nothing Shepard could do.

_I guess I could…_

Shepard activated her omni-tool and scrolled down to the message she had received from Liara before hastily typing that she would like to meet up with the shadow broker tomorrow morning.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well I think this has to be my most badly reviewed fanfic! **

**Now, because I'm a lazy bosh'tet who cannot be bothered to moderate a lot of guest reviews that say 'Shepard sucks!' or 'You're writing these characters poorly!' I'm posting these two chapters (4 and 5) at the same time so there can be a little more understanding and to limit my workload as I shall be writing 3 different endings due to the people pleaser that I am.**

* * *

_Everything was too intense. _

_The normal lighting level was like staring at the sun, the quiet sounds were like explosions to unprotected ears, the clinical smell was too strong and the small aches were searing pains._

_"__Hayley!" The recently awakened commander's pain increased tenfold when someone threw their arms around her and pulled her into a hug._

_"__L…Li-Liara?" Shepard's voice was so quiet it was barely audible, but the one hugging her heard her loud and clear._

_"__No," a man's voice, "it's Kaidan."_

_The words were not processing in Hayley's unfocused mind, and attempting to recall anything that had happened within the past few months was nigh on impossible. All the while Kaidan stayed hugging her albeit slightly more loosely as he realised she must still be in great pain, even after 4 months of a coma and constant surgeries._

_"__Where's Liara?" Shepard's voice was coming back, and her amplified senses slowly came back to normal levels, allowing her to fully open her eyes without wincing at the bright light or incredibly loud sounds._

_"__Oh…uh, Hayley," Kaidan pulled away from the hug, and when Shepard looked at him, he was suddenly looking invested in the floor._

_"__Wait, did something happen to her?" For being barely able to speak a few moments ago, a frantic cry was a very quick progression._

_"__No, she's fine," Hayley sighed with relief before Kaidan continued, "When we got to the citadel to search for you, she got on the first shuttle away from there. We'd barely moved any rubble before we noticed that she had took off without a word, but we do know she's okay because of the information the shadow broker is passing around," Kaidan was cautious not to refer to Liara as the Shadow Broker, because it was to be kept on a needs-to-know basis and there was a nurse in the room._

_Moments of silence passed, with Shepard looking like she was having difficulty processing what she had just been told. Why would Liara have just left her…was she still that angry?_

_In the end, only one word could sum up the commander's feelings: "Oh."_

* * *

Apollo's café was a familiar site to Shepard. It was where Liara had pointed her to Barla Von who helped her acquire assets to the war effort, and where she encouraged the asari to meet with her father, Matriarch Aethyta. It was also where she began her relationship with Kaidan, and now she was going against her what her husband had told her and visiting Apollo's café to talk to Liara.

At first, the only asari Shepard could see were just generic members of the species who she never took any notice of, as she had no real reason to talk to any of them. Sure the odd one would look over in shock, and the human would be forced to smile and wave like any other celebrity, but other than that she saw no one of interest, and certainly not the woman she had come to see.

"Shepard, I'm over here," Shepard turned quickly to look in the direction of the voice, and there sat Liara at the table she had walked past.

The asari had barely changed, although she as only 132 which was still young by her species standards.

"Oh, hello Liara," Shepard walked over and took the seat directly opposite from Liara, although she sat rather reluctantly. She would be lying if she said she was no longer upset with how the woman had just took off after the war, but she could truthfully say that, with the right reasoning, she could forgive her. After all, she had treated her worse.

"How have you been?" Liara was avoiding eye contact, Shepard noticed.

"Well, all things considered. You?"

"Yes, I have been fine." The blue woman was still looking everywhere but at the human in front of her, and she looked incredibly uneasy, "look, about the end of the war. I-"

"Why the hell did you just take off?" She knew she was about to explain, but Shepard couldn't hold back her anger that she had concealed for so long and asked anyway.

"Please, do not make a scene again," Liara said quietly, making eye contact for the first time, and Shepard quickly obliged by calming down and silently waiting for her explanation, "I didn't know if we would find you. The explosion that had happened here was massive, and anyone would have thought you dead…I had no reason to believe you survived," Liara stopped for a second, waiting to see if Shepard would cut in but when she didn't, she continued, "If you were alive, I doubted that you would have wanted me around, so I left."

Shepard sat silently and flicked her eyes between Liara's. Yes, she could guess someone's motivations with relative ease, and being able to tell if someone was lying was far easier than that, but the information broker who she had loved so blindly all those years ago was incredibly hard to read. She had two options, take her word for it or call her a liar, neither one having much evidence to back it.

"Fine," Shepard knew that one word would leave the asari in limbo, as it did not convey neither trust nor distrust. Some rage seethed around the word, but Liara's unreadable expression did not break to show upset or anger, the former connoting that she was being truthful, and the latter meaning that she would have lied.

"So, what have you been doing?" Liara's voice was also devoid of all emotion now.

"Well, I retired and Kaidan and I got married. We have a daughter called Raelynn," Shepard's was about to stop when her evil, unreasonable side decided to take the reins, "adopted, of course, seeing as you never told Cerberus to leave my reproductive organs in."

Hurt flashed in the asari's eyes for a second. The human knew full well that it hadn't been Liara's fault that Cerberus removed her uterus and all that was attached. It wasn't even Miranda's fault, but the Illusive Man deemed it an 'unnecessary repair' and any hopes Shepard had for having children that were biologically her own one day were dashed. She knew she should apologise, but she was unable to force herself to say anything of the sort.

"Well, without you around, Feron and I entered a relationship. We also have a daughter. Her name is Mara," Now it was Shepard's turn to be hurt, although she wasn't sure why. She and Liara were over, and the thought of her being with anyone else should not have had an effect.

"Kaidan's a very loving husband. Perhaps the most loving person I've ever known-"

"I thought you said you were a lesbian?"

"-and Raelynn is a very well behaved girl. Caring and top of her class in everything" Shepard continued on and ignored Liara's interruption. Yes, she only found women sexually attractive, but she was happy with Kaidan and did love him, maybe not in the same way as she had some of her previous girlfriends (including the one currently situated across from her), but she did nonetheless.

"Well Feron is a wonderful bondmate. Intelligent too,"

"Are you suggesting I'm not intelligent?"

"No, I was simply saying that he is a very intellectual lover and agent of mine," Liara began to blush a slight fuchsia, and her voice increased in volume.

"Oh so he is better than me in-"

"For goddess sake, Shepard! Will you listen for a second as opposed to cutting in at every opportunity to twist my words _again_?!" Liara's voice was a full shout, and her slight fuchsia blush became a shade closer to magenta. It was almost enough to remind Shepard of some very fond memories she had of her from when they were still together, although once again the short tempered, irrational side of the former commander took over.

"Who's making a scene now?" She smirked, looking Liara straight in the eyes while she folded her arms and leaned back on the chair.

"You are impossible!" The asari rose from her seat and walked away, leaving the former commander with her mouth agape.

She wasn't expecting Liara to leave so quickly, as her temper was normally well maintained…aside from the time she looked as though she was going to smear Javik, the last living prothean, on the floor in the cargo bay. Maybe she had been a little irrational, but she wasn't going to let that bother her as she slowly got up herself and made her way to the skycar lot.


	5. Chapter 5

One week.

It had been one week since Shepard spoke to Liara for the first time in 23 years, and the amount of remorse she felt for her words was almost unbearable. She had blamed the asari for something that was not her fault and pointed out her making a scene, amongst other things.

Unsurprisingly, the Shadow Broker had sent nothing to her again, and Shepard had no idea if she was still on the citadel or off on another planet by now. She wanted to apologise and make right, but she knew her anger and damnable ability to jump to conclusions had wrecked all chances of ever fixing things with Liara.

"Oh look, the most miserable person alive," Raelynn taunted as she went to fetch a nutrient bar from the kitchen. While slightly better tasting than military regulation nutrient bars, they were still left untouched by Shepard, who had given up on all the military life food.

"Now is not the time," It was unknown to Shepard how she could be the 55 year old saviour of the citadel and galaxy, yet be taunted by a 15 year old who was surprisingly strong and talented. Had she not had a noticeable dislike for Alliance, Shepard would not be surprised to see her join up in 3 years, but as it stands she was likely to run off to join a mercenary group instead.

"Whatever," said the teenager around the nutrient bar that she had finished in the space of two bites. It was a well-known fact that biotics ate a lot of food, but Raelynn had an appetite that was hard to surpass, being able to eat entire boxes of food in one sitting, yet never gaining a pound of weight in fat.

As she was walking back to her room, probably to do more push-ups, Raelynn turned around to say one last thing, "If you feel so bad about that girl, why don't you just message her and say sorry like a normal person."

"Yeah," Shepard thought about her daughters words for a short second, knowing that the girl herself had never apologised for anything and she was being a hypocrite in telling her mother to do so, but then again she never felt bad for anything.

Shepard sat in silence for a long time, before her emotions finally beat her and she messaged Liara, asking for her to visit tomorrow afternoon while Raelynn was still at biotic club, not even knowing if the asari was still on the citadel.

* * *

Having decided that Liara really did hate her as she never had a reply, Shepard was shocked when the shadow broker turned up the next day, looking far less irritated than she had done a week ago.

"Shepard," She said as she walked past. The former commander could have sworn that she saw the asari smile, but she quickly dashed the thought as her mind playing tricks on her.

"Liara," Shepard followed her to the sofa and sat in the chair opposite as she decided that it would be inappropriate to sit next to her. She let out a quick sigh before she spoke, "I wanted to apologise…"

"Oh?" the asari looked intrigued, her eyebrow markings raising while she relaxed back into the sofa in a this-is-going-to-be-good kind of fashion.

"Yeah, the way I spoke to you…blaming you for what Cerberus did, pointing out your anger, cutting in…it was immature and uncalled for," Shepard stopped to calm her voice, which began wavering. She had been making eye contact but now found it far easier to look at the floor as opposed to the person she was speaking to, "and when you spoke to me ages ago, I know I jumped to conclusions and-"

"I will not forgive you," Liara said matter-of-factly, making Shepard feel a strong desire to embrace a banshee right now.

In hindsight, she should never have expected to have been forgiven. If anyone did to her what she had done to Liara, she would never want to even hear their name again, let alone see them and have them try to make amends.

"I know that you are upset over this and want me to forgive you, I can hear the fact you are crying in your voice," _Fuck, _Shepard thought,_ she's right, I am crying_, "but I cannot forgive you doing that to me. Do you realise how many nights I spent in my cabin crying? Wondering if I should have approached the subject of my own insecurity better? If you breaking up with me was my fault?"

"I-I didn't…" Shepard realised there was no point in looking at the floor any longer, as Liara clearly knew why she was looking at the ground, but when she looked up, she wasn't expecting to see the tears building in the other woman's eyes.

"I know you were going through a lot, and me feeling like you did not want to be with me because you were Commander Shepard, for Goddess sake, the most famous human in the galaxy, was probably a subject better left for another time," a single tear rolled down Liara's cheek, and it was destroying Shepard to see her so upset over something she had done, "I thought you just wanted to be friends…"

There was nothing Shepard could say. She knew that Liara was a little insecure sometimes, and there were a few occasions where she had had to provide her with extra support, but after all the time together and all the melding, she was certain that even the asari knew she was sure of what she had wanted.

"It wasn't your fault…" Shepard murmured.

"I know it was not," the Shadow Broker's voice was trembling, and every breath was shaky and she tried to prevent herself from sobbing uncontrollably.

Once again, an uneasy silence took over. There was nothing Shepard could do to rectify this now and she was left damning all of her outbursts that everyone she has ever known would agree were totally out of character for her. Yes, all her friends had changed over the past few years, some becoming more open, like Jack, and others becoming sterner, like Kaidan, but Shepard had for the most part maintained her normal demeanour of wanting to help everyone and keep everyone happy. She could never forgive herself for what she had done, so why was she expecting Liara to?

"Maybe we should leave this," Shepard's voice was so quiet that Liara had almost missed what she had said, "I messed up…you hate me. I deserve it."

Liara made a noise that sounded vaguely like she was agreeing, before she decided to speak, "It will probably be for the best, but there is something I should tell you…"

Shepard was taken aback by what Liara had said, the serious tone in her voice made her panic and think of every single possibility, her mind settling rather comfortably on: _Oh my god did Liara get pregnant with me and never tell me because I know asari pregnancies last 2 years oh my god!?_

"Really?" She tried desperately to hide the worry in her voice, but it didn't work too well in her favour, and her rapid paling and breaking out in a light sweat did not help her case.

The asari looked around the room, her behaviour reminiscent of the time she asked what Shepard's first name was. That situation was still a funny memory for both women, especially when Liara didn't realise most humans had middle names and mistook 'Hayley Elizabeth Cristina' as being her full first name.

"I was not entirely truthful about Feron and I," Liara was biting the inside of her cheek, a light blush crossing her face while she considered what to say next, "we did try to be together for a while…but it did not work out."

Shepard searched her face for any insincerity. As hard as the Prothean expert was to read a week ago, she seemed like an open book now. There was no doubt in Shepard's mind that Liara was being honest.

"Feron is a good friend to me…nothing more, nothing less,"

"And Mara?"

Once again, Liara glanced around the apartment, "she doesn't exist. I made her up to make me feel better over the fact my life has not gone as well as yours has."

Shepard felt a sense of relief, and resented herself instantly because she was with Kaidan, and should not feel any jealousy to how Liara's life had panned out over the past 23 years. She was also slightly hurt that the asari had lied to try and make herself seem better. She was a wonderful person, regardless of whether she had a family or not. Shepard could never honestly say she wasn't proud of all that Liara had accomplished.

"Oh thank god, I thought you were going to say you got pregnant by me or something," the human laughed, but realised that it was probably inappropriate to do so and quickly silenced herself.

"No, you would have known if I was," Liara's lips ghosted the faintest smile. The two women would have been kidding themselves if they said they no longer cared about each other, and both accepted that all the fluffy things they'd heard about meeting 'the one' and never being unable to love them was true.

"Well, I should probably come clean to. Raelynn is a wonderful, strong teenage girl, but she hates me. She and I never got on well and she is not that well behaved…" Realising that they had lied to each other -something that they never would have even dreamt of doing in a past life- they couldn't help but laugh, even though the situation would not appear remotely funny to anyone else.

Their smiling and laughing together for the first time in years was cut short however by an unexpected hiss as the front door opened.

Kaidan was home.

* * *

**A/N: I have actually written a fic to do with Liara asking Shepard's first name, and it's very creatively called 'Names', if you wish to read it.**

**Now I will begin working on the three endings, so the next update will take a while.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So this was left longer than anticipated because my router decided to suck ass and not work then exams decided to happen. Anyway, this is the real ending, the only difference really is the very last part which is essentially an epilogue (good job me, it says that exactly in the fic) and I shall upload an alternate version to it, as the other alternate version was way too hard for me to write anyway so yeah.**

**Also once again, people change, and Kaidan has changed a lot.**

Kaidan looked as though his lower jaw would fall of his face at any moment due to the sight before him.

"I can explain," Shepard instantly stood up from her seat, moving over to him while Liara's eyes widened and fixed on the major's hastily reddening face. It was only then Shepard remembered Liara knew nothing about Kaidan's dislike to her, and the asari was even less aware of the fact that he had forbidden Shepard to see her.

"Why is she here?" The male human was making an obvious effort to keep his voice quiet and low, as each syllable trembled with intense anger while his dark eyes fixed on Liara with a glare that made her want to hug Kalros back on Tuchanka.

"Well I…I invited her over so that we could talk," The urge to glance over her shoulder and at the asari was strong for Shepard, but she knew the only way to diffuse the situation would be to avoid any actions that could possibly be seen as asking for support from Liara. Looking at her would likely indicate that she wanted the asari to verify the story, which would in turn make it appear untrue.

Liara picked up on what her former bondmate was trying to do though, and despite her best efforts not to, jumped to her defence with "Only because our meeting last week went so sour that you felt the need to apologise," feeling that that statement would prevent any extra conflict from occurring, only to notice Kaidan looking even more vexed.

_"__You still met with her last week?"_ Any attempt at keeping his voice low left, as Kaidan virtually barked out the question. He had never felt so betrayed before, honestly believing he could trust Shepard.

"Kaidan, I wanted to talk to her. I was not happy about how things ended and I wanted to try and make right," This time, avoiding the urge to turn and look at Liara proved too difficult and she had to check the asari. As it turned out, she too had stood up but had made an conscious decision to stand away from Shepard (at least, that was what Shepard hoped), but Liara was keeping her face as straight as possible, still attempting to calm Kaidan down as quickly as possible.

"I…I just really don't know what to say," Kaidan's voice had returned to what it was before, and he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly fighting off an oncoming headache while he thought of what to do, only nodding his head in Liara's direction before saying "but you. _Get out."_

The shadow broker didn't need to be told twice, and as she made her way swiftly to the exit she turned around to give Shepard a look that just bled an apology. She wanted to stay and help out, and years ago she would never have dreamed of leaving Shepard alone in a situation like this, but this was now and she was left with no choice but to leave the married couple to sort the issue out on their own.

Now alone with Kaidan, Shepard had no reservations in walking over to him, as there was no asari there to feel betrayed. It was never in the former Commander's mind to take sides, not even for a second, but she had wanted to go over to her husband and try to calm him for a very long time.

"I can't believe you did this," The Major did not look at his wife, but continued to keep his head turned to the ground while he wiped his forehead with his hand.

"Kaidan. I-"

"No, don't try to explain this because both you and I know you can't," Kaidan finally looked up and made eye contact with Shepard, and the way he looked at her made her realise that whatever reasons she had for this, would not be good enough for him. Thankfully, his voice was now calm and collected, although that could be as much a hint to a negative outcome as a positive one.

"I'm sorry…" was all she managed to say.

"Shepard…Hayley, she is the shadow broker and she hurt you so badly while you were saving the galaxy from the reapers. How could you trust her over this?" The question was rhetorical, Shepard guessed, and rightfully so as Kaidan continued, "She could have wanted something from you, and you could have happily given it to her, and don't pull anything about you know what she was like because _you didn't_."

Kaidan was still far from over in his speech, but Shepard was already pretty confident in where this was going. The truth was, the happy moments of the past few weeks were a rare occurrence, one that Shepard thought had signified change in the relationship. Over the past year, she and Kaidan had been arguing a lot more, and sometimes the quarrels put so much strain on their marriage that they were both surprised when they reconciled.

Reconciliation did not seem possible this time though, as Kaidan compared Shepard talking to Liara behind his back to cheating, something which the woman would never do, seeing as she knew how that felt.

"The reality is that being with you is becoming harder and harder and these arguments can't be easy for Raelynn to understand…and maybe it would be for the best if you just left for a while so we can sort things out," Kaidan finished after he spent a good five minutes talking about how betrayed her felt.

Hearing the words finally coming out of his mouth, Shepard could do nothing but silently nod as she made her way upstairs to grab some clothes, knowing that he was right. She was reminded very vividly of the fact that she loved Kaidan, although not with the same love she had felt for Liara or any of her exes. Her love for Kaidan was akin to her love for Joker and Chakwas and Tali and most of the others who had served on the Normandy over those three life changing years.

She was halfway down the apartment complex hallway when she heard Kaidan say bye and shut the front door. The emotions finally overtook her and Shepard let out a sob as she realised that she had ruined everything because of how stupid she had been 23 years ago.

If she had never jumped to conclusions with Liara, she would still be with her (probably) and Kaidan would likely be with another woman who genuinely loved him the way that Shepard never could, but as it currently stood, Kaidan was left feeling cheating on because she had gone and spoken to the woman who would never forgive her, and in turn had ruined the perfect family that Kaidan had wanted.

Shepard had just reached the elevator when it opened, and there stood an incredibly beautiful blue woman in a white, blue and silver lab coat: Liara.

"W-why…" Shepard was unable to stop her voice shaking long enough in order for her to finish the question.

"I felt terrible leaving you alone to explain both our meetings to Kaidan, so I came back to help,"

"Well it doesn't matter…he said it was like I cheated on him and I…" Shepard looked down as tears threatened to fall from her eyes, not wanting to look so completely destroyed in front of Liara. She kept trying to finish her sentence, but her voice kept catching in her throat. Just when she thought may have to shake her head and say it doesn't matter, Liara took her right hand and tugged her gently into the elevator.

"Come on, let's get you out of here,"

-Epilogue-

Shepard was spread out on the bed like a starfish, the corner of the blanket covering her clothed stomach as she lay fast asleep. Her hair was an unruly mess and some spit had dribbled out on to her cheek during the night, something that the woman would find to be an indicator for a great night's sleep when she woke up a few hours later.

"Daddy!" Or minutes, as a small asari girl ran into the room, crawled onto the bed and jumped on the human woman's sleeping form, startling her instantly.

"It wasn't me who took your cat suit, I swear!" Shepard said as she sat upright, still convinced that she was in her dream about taking Miranda's cat suit because Blasto had asked to borrow it, until she looked at the little blue girl in her lap.

"Oh, morning Mara," she smiled, before yawning and stretching far enough her back cracked, "what do you want?"

"Mommy said to get you for lunch," Mara was off the bed as soon as she was on it, running off to the kitchen while Shepard wiped the drool from her face and combed her fingers through her long red hair. It didn't feel like afternoon but Shepard was rather infamous among her friends for having horrendous sleeping habits, so there was a good possibility it was time for lunch.

Shepard checked her omni-tool for any messages from Raelynn about her mercenary group that Kaidan could have forwarded her (despite being divorced and Raelynn wanting nothing to do with her adopted mother, Kaidan decided it was best to keep her informed seeing as she was running the most influential gang on Omega) before she found none and swung her legs off the side of the bed and quickly made to follow after her daughter, knowing Liara would not be best pleased with her sleeping half the day away for the 5th time this month.

It had taken a few months, but her and Liara had successfully managed to reconcile and within two years were married to each other, with Mara being born 3 years ago.

Walking into the kitchen, Shepard noticed that Mara was already stuffing her face with her lunch (a trait that had likely come from the former Commander), demolishing the food faster than any normal 3 year old could possibly do so, and that Liara had her back to the corridor she was currently standing in.

"Good afternoon, seeing as morning ended an hour ago," Liara sounded incredibly annoyed as she continued facing away from Shepard, and to any normal onlooker, the body language seemed to carry Liara's irritation well, but Shepard wasn't a normal onlooker.

"I know you're grinning," She said, as she walked up behind her wife with a smirk on her face and rubbed the small of her back with enough pressure to make the asari sigh with relief.

"Thank you, my back has been aching all morning," Shepard acknowledged the appreciation by letting out a small laugh as she took the seat next to Liara, her eyes quickly falling on the cause of the back pain: the large bump that was her and Liara's second daughter, Benezia, who was due any day now.

"I love you, Liara,"

"I love you too, Shepard," Liara smiled, before leaning in to kiss her bondmate.

**A/N: And fin! **

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it!**

**I'm sorry about the second child's name but I swear it's like law to call at least one of Liara and femshep's children Benezia ("at least one" yeah because we could have Benezia Uno, Benezia the Second, Benezzy etc).**

**Thank you all for reading this, as crappy or as amazingly good as it may have been and feel free to check out the alternate ending!**


	7. Alternate Ending

**A/N: This is the alternate epilogue for everyone who hates this Shepard :D**

"Shepard, are you even listening?" Quentius waved his hand in front of Shepard's face, trying to bring her attention back to the matter at hand.

"What? Yeah, sorry I was thinking about stuff," Shepard removed her left fist from under her jaw and stopped slouching over as the meeting continued now that the councillors were sure she was paying attention again, although that didn't last long as she sank down into the chair.

"Shepard, is our discussion for who should replace Quentius boring you?" Riralan, the new salarian councillor as of last year, questioned with as much irritation as he could muster.

"Not at all, I was just thinking about what you were discussing," She let out a side smile to try and show she was telling the truth, even though she really wasn't. Shepard couldn't really care less about who became the new turian councillor, as long as whoever it was had the logic to listen to a spectre, unlike Quentius' predecessor: Sparatus.

The councillors began their discussion again, every now and then appearing to come to an agreement, only for one of them (usually Riralan or Irissa) to decide that actually, that politician wasn't that great an option, causing everything to go back to square one. So far, the discussion had been going on for 3 galactic hours.

In the end, the meeting was adjourned due to the councillors (and Shepard's) inability to settle on a replacement. Even if Shepard wasn't in the council, she was still expected to help in times like these, as she was the most influential person in the galaxy and her opinion carried a lot of weight.

It was 17:82, and therefore late in the evening, leaving Shepard with no option but to return to her apartment that had become far too large for a single woman to live in.

Shepard and Kaidan had ended up getting divorced, and Raelynn wanted nothing to do with her anymore, running off to start her own mercenary group on Omega, which had quite the presence now, if the messages that Kaidan forwarded her were any indication.

The former spectre had tried to restart her relationship with Liara, but after a few months they both agreed that they could never fully move past what had happened and decided to remain as just friends, although the words exchanged between them over the past 10 years had become fewer and fewer to the point that it was rare to have anything more than a short conversation in a month.

Shepard went to sit on the couch and turned on the vid screen in front of her, the screen flickering to life with a picture of the Normandy's crew from 2186, with Kaidan and Shepard looking into each other's eyes with Liara standing behind them, a forced smile etched on her face.

Shepard could do nothing but sigh, as she realised those days were long gone and she would never have anything like that again.


End file.
